Stereotypes - Part 2

Once I began thinking on the topic of stereotypes I started to wonder what stereotypes other people might develop about me - what does my Black, vegetarian, natural-haired appearance convey to those who don't know me?

My Black-of-the-lighter-persuasion complexion: (1) that I have a white parent; (2) that I'm ill-informed about my white or Black family history; (3) that I'm regularly approached to dance in hip hop videos.

Reality: (1)...is false- two Black parents, one being light-skinned. The light complexion goes beyond my maternal great-grandparents, back to I don't know where (a plantation I expect, but which one. WHICH ONE?!!!); (2)...is true in that I don't know exactly where the mixing started (again, which plantation?); and (3)...is false - and luckily too because I'm somewhat rhythmically challenged and lack a booty to clap.





On being a vegetarian: (1) that I'm a enviro-loving tree hugger, (2 ) that I spend time trying to convince my friends to see the light and give up eating meat.

Reality: (1)...is true (LOVE the trees), and I'm working to become a better environmentalist daily. I recently dusted off my bike and started cycling to the gym...weather permitting of course (baby steps people, baby steps); and (2)...is false (I hope). I like to think I'm a live-and-let-live kind of person, and my friends eat enough meat around me to make me feel comfortable in their carnivorous future.


On my natural hair: (1) that being "natural" extends beyond my hair (e.g.natural beauty products); (2) that I'm a conscious Black woman; (3) or that I wear my locs more for fashion.

Reality: (1)...is true, and much like my environmentalist nature, I'm working to get better all the time. Still way too many non-natural products in my life but I'm working on it; (2)...is true-ish. I'm aware and interested in the state of my people, but seem to limit my involvement to discussions only (note to self - need to work on this); and (3)...is false. I stopped 'relaxing' my hair (although there's nothing relaxing about the process), as a conscious choice and naturally progressed from afro to locs.

So overall it looks like I do live out some of the possible stereotypes that I might convey to others. And I feel that's okay as long as I'm cool with it (which I am), and that others who want to get to know me do exactly that, and find out what lies beyond just what they see.

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Stereotypes


What role do stereotypes play in our lives? I've been thinking on this lately, the way we sometimes use our own preconceived notions of people to categorize them into something we understand. I feel that we often fall back on stereotypes as a way of "understanding" what Other people are like (e.g. through the way they look, behave, talk), without taking the time to actually find out if our perceptions are even remotely accurate.

I feel we do this as a way of dealing with someone (or a group), that is on some level new or different to ourselves. For example, these Other people might seem so different from our regular circle that finding out what they're actually about might be something we don't feel we have or even want to do. That Black woman at the office you see daily might seem abrupt and somewhat standoffish. And if getting to actually know her isn't something you're ready to do (for whatever reason), that image can be a big part of how you define her, regardless of whether any of that image is actually true.

So why do we do it? Behind this (or a part of it at least), may be a need to categorize people in ways that make sense to us. Once they've been put into a category that we hold, we may feel more at ease - we've put the person into a role that we can understand because we've heard/read it before (i.e. the stereotype). It's not new, it's been reinforced elsewhere such as through friends or pop culture. Regardless of whether it's true or not, it's familiar and there's some comfort in that.

The alternative to this can be foreign and scary, and understandably something a person would rather avoid (me included). But honestly, I feel that doing the uncomfortable is necessary if we're to make any headway on fighting stereotypes as the default that many of us fall prey to using. The challenge to all of us is to resist seeing Others in blanket terms and educating ourselves on the uniqueness that is human diversity. Try it.

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This Month's White Man Crush


David Beckham is by far one of soccer’s (or its proper term, football) gorgeous players. He has turned his persona into a multi-billion dollar empire from cologne to underwear to clothing. He actually plays very little on the field anymore but he oozes sexiness and that sells. It also helps he has hot spice girl for a wife no doubt and best friends Katy Holmes and Tom Cruise. I had all but forgotten him (for all of an hour that is) until I saw him on the side lines at the World Cup game. He was looking quite dashing in his 3 piece grey suit. Funny enough the rest of the coaches and non-players wore the same 3 piece suit but it definitely stood out on David. Of course, like many celebrities he is not without fault. There had been talk of an indiscretion with a former nanny in the past and who knows what goes on those road trips. While making money is a necessary evil I think we all want to see him shine as he originally did…..as an athlete. When are you playing again David????

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Troop



As I was driving home tonight, Troop came on the radio ("spread my wings, and fly away, to a place that I loooong fooooor"), and I FREAKED OUT! I used to love that song and that group so I was car-dancing the whole way through the song.

And then I had a thought - could I date a guy who doesn't know Troop? Who doesn't remember when that song was hot? As a single Black female who's actively looking for a partner, I'm open to dating men outside of my race (BTW, 37-42 year old guys with a job and can treat a woman with respect, email me at Harperneedslove@gmail.com).

But I digress...

As I was saying, I'm open to the range of guys that I'll date (white, Black, Indian, Cablasian, etc.). But I now think that what I also need is a certain "type" of guy, regardless of the skin he's packaged in. A guy who , on top of being a great communicator, loving, honest and trustworthy, also knows and loves his old school (i.e. 1990s) R&B. I'd like a guy who has some similar memories as my own so that when that song comes on we can both think back to what we were doing when Troop #1. And when I dig out my 12 inch remix of Sheila E's "Glamorous Life", or the pre-crack Bobby Brown "Don't be cruel", I'd like my man to get as excited as I am at hearing them, and we can have a "remember when..." talk as the records play.

I guess Troop helped me see that regardless of his skin colour, the guy I'm looking for has an R&B soul and memories that we can relive together on those long car rides (or is at least open to listening to me relive my memories...and break into song when warranted).

So Black, White, Red, whateva. I'm open (hey, Remy Shand, I hear you're single now - email me).

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Interracial Movies


Last night I watched the ultimate in interracial movies – The Bodyguard. Aside for the bad Whitney acting and the airy theme and plot, I loved this movie. So I think back now on why do I love it. Could it be when it came out I was gaga over my high school sweetheart. He was bi-racial and my first introduction to anyone from a bi-racial family. His mother was white Canadian and his father a black man from Nigeria. He introduced me to a whole different world where his grandfather had taken more than 1 wife. I had never heard of such things. Of course I had to wonder if his father or even he would be interested in the same tradition? I never got my answer. I went away to college and he dumped me for not staying behind for him. I’m getting off track now. Back to the movie. I admire Whitney Houston’s singing ability and had the entire cd before the movie even came out. Kevin Costner isn’t too hard on the eyes either but I prefer them much younger. Overall, I think they did a great job convincing the audience of their romance. The movie didn’t centre around any awkward glares or what people might think of their relationship. I really liked that. It seemed natural. Maybe this was the cornerstone in the 90’s for encouraging interracial relationships. Who knew it would take a black woman belting out a Dolly Parton song to change the minds of many. Today I fine myself busting out the old Whitney songs from the Bodyguard and reminisce to those days of utter ignorance.

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This Month's White Man Crush


Justin Timberlake.....need I say more! I decided to go a little old school. Ok not that old school a few years back. But I must say this man was one of my first true white man crushes who steered me away from the dark side. I love to dance and sing so a man who can do both as Mr. J.T. does rocks my world. I admire how much he loves his mother. I admire his addiction to longer term relationships. If you didn't know he is a monogamous whore when it comes to relationships. Pretty devout about not getting married but very quick to settle down and move in with his beloved. I think this is also why we are kindred spirits. I'm a lot like him in that respect. I believe in true love living together. Marriage is for some but not for others. Why break what isn't broken. Alas, Justin has lost some because of his lack of not commitment to marriage. I thought him and Cameron Diaz were the perfect couple. I am also a fan of older woman younger man. Maybe because I'm secretly a cougar. Hunter is younger than me. I like that. Back on track, why I fantasize about Justin Timberlake. He is cute, can dance better than me (very rare for me to say), he can sing love songs, he dumped Brittany(he is so much better than her) and best of all he has a hot bod! When it comes to the public and his career I feel he has conducted himself with a lot of respect and that includes his girlfriends. I credit that to his close relationship with his mother. Ladies this does not mean every guy close to his mother will treat you like gold. If his mother is crazy belive me he will treat you crazy. So take this piece of advice wisely. Pay attention to how a man treats his mom and how close they are but pay better attention to how the mom is. As for Justin I await the day he decides he wants to procreate. I don't need to sleep with him but would be a happy donor for his children. I think we would have gorgeous kids together :-)

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Miss America 2010




The new Miss America is Caressa Cameron, the 7th African American woman to win the title. And unfortunately there are rumblings of criticism floating about, as has happened whenever a Black/African American "anything" takes top honours. In my cursory searches on the new queen-o-beauty south of the border, two issues that have generated discussion are her (1) lighter skin tone and (2) her straightened hair.

Re her skin tone, agreed that she's a lighter shade of Black (and both of her parents are Black as well). But did that influence her winning the crown...? I'd guess 'no'.

Re her hair - I've read the same old arguments that she's trying to be white, that she doesn't like her blackness which is reflected in her nappy roots, that in order to be seen as beautiful (in the contest and in daily life), she conformed to "white" standards and straightened her hair.

As far as I'm concerned both of these issues are mute points. The various shades that we as Black/African American women come in and the way we chose to wear our hair are all a part of the beauty that IS being Black. So instead just celebrate her win, chalk another one up for the team, or whatever you want to do. But don't hate.

Congratulations Caressa!

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This Month's White Man Crush


If you don't know this man you need to. George St. Pierre fondly referred to as GSP is from a small town in Quebec. I first had my first crush on him a few years ago after seeing him fight and then his poise and soft spoken manner in interviews. Let me recap in case you don't know him. He is the Welterweight Champion of the UFC and yes I am a huge fan. He started out from a small middle class family and made his mother cry when he told their local bank that they would never pay for anything ever again. He would take care of every expense going forward. He has won countless fights but the thing that is so endearing about him is he is extremely humble. If you watch UFC you know the guys there for the most part are just there to fight. GSP on the other hand realizes it is a business and a career. He shows up at events and pre-events in a custom made suit. He spends hours answering questions. He does little to put down his opponent before the event in a publicity stunt. He simply let's his hands and wrestling do the talking about his talent. He is the reason I became a fan of the UFC. His fights are an orchestrated thing of beauty but I digress. So on this first week of Black history month, I tip my hat off to GSP after all he is into the interracial love if you didn't know. His girlfriends are usually Black and suits me just fine. GSP, let me know when you're single.....just kidding Hunter :-)

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There's Something Not Quite White About Her...

As the product of an interracial relationship, I can say that there are a lot fewer raised eyebrows today than there were when I was a kid. Maybe it was the Benetton ads? Maybe racism is on the decline? I'm American, and I'm half Japanese and half white. Maybe for the particular brand of racism I grew up with is just dying because all the people that were around when they were herding Japanese Americans off to the internment camps are all sitting in old folks homes and I just don't see it anymore. It could be that people just think I look French. Either way, being bi-racial is just not as exotic as it once was, and that suits me just fine. My seven year old niece is half white, one quarter Japanese and one quarter Mexican. She's got long, curly hair and almond shaped green eyes. Seriously, who can be mad at that? So here's my question, why is it that multiracial kids are generally more accepted now than they were, say twenty years ago, but interracial relationships still get a double take? I mean, people do realize there's a connection there, right?


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Tiger and his Self-Hatred


It’s been awhile since another Tiger Woods mistress has come out of the woodwork so maybe the list of the ones that want to capitalize on this has finally come to an end. I’m sure that many people are psychoanalyzing Tiger as I write and will be for years to come, my hope is that in addition to whatever help he’s getting, he also addresses a very troubling issue.

Does Tiger have a self-hatred problem? I’m not a psychologist but he has displayed some disturbing signs that make me think he may.

First, why does he refuse to say that he is black? He even went so far as to make up a race…what does he call it? Cabalasian. A made up term using Caucasian, Black, Indian and Asian. I understand, he is one-quarter Chinese, one-quarter Thai, one-quarter Black, one-eighth Native American, and one-eighth Dutch. But, hate to inform you Tiger but if you have a drop of black blood, you’re black. I didn’t hear anyone cheering the first Chinese American to win the Masters Tournament?!? He actually told Oprah a few years ago that it bothered him to be called African-American. You’re kidding me right? I know some people are going to say that I and others are just being race-obsessed and Tiger just doesn’t want to be pigeon-holed into a category. I understand giving full deference to your ancestors and where you came from but you’re not black Tiger? On what planet? You’re darker then “bi-racial” President Obama for goodness sake.

Second, Tiger won his first Masters Tournament at age 21 which coincided with the 50th anniversary of Jackie Robinson hurdling baseball's color barrier. Former President Clinton invited Tiger to Shea Stadium for a ceremony commemorating this great achievement (seeing that without those who came before him he may not have had the opportunity to showcase his talent today) and Tiger declined stating that he was going to be on vacation and the President should have asked before he made his plans. Really Tiger? Does this have anything to do with not wanting to be categorized in the same way that the first black baseball player was? People were so outraged by his snub forcing him to eventually apologize to Jackie Robinson’s widow for not attending and saying he recognized how important it would have been for him to be there. Did you really Tiger?

Finally, is it a coincidence that Tiger’s wife Elin is white and every single one of his mistresses was white also? All 14 plus of them? Really? I understand people have a type but this is bizarre. As Mandy alluded to in an earlier post, there is something wrong when someone exclusively dates within one race for whatever reason. Is there something wrong with black women Tiger? Asian Women? Thai Women? Now. Don’t get me wrong. I am VERY pleased that he couldn’t find any black women to join the mistress bandwagon or maybe there were black women but they are staying quite? Hmmmmm…..

In any case, there are too many signs that Tiger Woods has some serious self-image issues. So in my opinion, while he is allegedly attending "sex rehab" and trying to work on his marriage, this would be a great time to tackle this issue as well, get it all out on the table Tiger. Just sayin!

What do you think?

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Can I be mad?


Today I want to speak about children of interracial celebrity couples. More specifically Justin Dior Combs. If you haven't heard in the news, his father P. Diddy threw a lavish sweet sixteen party for him at a NY night club over the weekend and gave him a Maybach worth $350,0000US? Yes, this amount of money is a small drop in the bucket for P. Diddy. Yes, most celebrities buy their kids outrageous things be it they are interracial, white or green for that matter. I guess what upsets me most is that a cheque for $10,000 was given to Justin to donate to Haiti. Really, really, really! Is this the message we want to send to our wealthy youth today? Yes at least SOMETHING was sent to Haiti but it is almost insulting to think how much compared to what he received for his birthday. I know there has been many fundraisers and events for the relief of Haiti and life must still go on after the aftermath of Haiti but must it be so blatant? Maybe its' naive of me to think that Justin should have auctioned off the car and donate the proceeds to Haiti? Maybe its' unrealistic for me to think this is the only effort P.Diddy has made to support the quake in Haiti?

On a further note, I have a big monumental birthday coming up next week. Should I forget what is happening in Haiti and expect gifts or should I insist everyone focuses on the greater good of the world? You decide.

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Help - My Stepson age 20 has written off black women!

I am 36 and my stepson age 20 who attends College currently resides with me. Both my husband and I are black, along with his biological mother. This is not a solution, complaint or defense of the issue – rather a simple commentary of the situation.

We have had many arguments, discussions and pleading for change on this issue in my house and to date this statement still stands true.

This is my stepson’s logic for his actions: The black girls who he knows are loud, obnoxious, and “ghetto”. My stepson does not dress like the stereotypical young black male so the girls think he is not tough enough. The black girls are all about what you can do for them. Although he does not admit it – I think he is not physically attracted to them as well.

This burns me to the core every time we discuss. I am an educated black women and every one of my black female friends is educated, refined, raised with good values and a sense of family. I didn’t go out looking for these friends. These are the people I naturally gravitated to and surrounded myself with because we have similar interests, backgrounds and values. Why is it with no effort I found these black women to be my friends but he can’t seem to find NOT ONE black woman who fits into any of these categories.
His argument (and my husband supports this argument) is that the black women of this generation are a different breed. My friends and I are of a dying breed of black women.

My husband’s argument (and I am not buying it) is that my stepson’s tumultuous relationship with his biological mother has turned him off pursuing any relationship with black women.

My stepson’s only attraction now is for women/ girls of Latin background. That to me has to do with the over sexualizing of Latin women on television.

Do I believe in my heart that when he gets older he will change and find a nice black girl to settle down and marry – ABSOLUTELY NOT!!!!!

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Why it is OK if my daughter dates a white guy but not if my son dates a white girl…….

I know – I hear the some really angry voices by just my topic. Some people are saying I have double standards. The truth be known – yes I do have double standards and I am proud of it. Let’s just get this into context. I only have one biological daughter (age 5 and should not be dating anyone yet every week comes home and tells me about a new boy she is going to marry!). One stepson age 20 (yes- the one who has written off black girls) and one stepdaughter age 16 (not sure which court she will be playing in yet).

Let’s just look at the case of why it is OK if my daughter/step daughter marries a white guy…..

I live in Ontario and for every 20 guys dating a white girl – you come across one white guy dating a black girl. Since the average WASP male will find attractive the stereotypical media image of beautiful- white/thin/possibly blond/no butt (OK my personal jab) – you know he has gone out his comfort zone to date a black girl and she must have some extra special qualities that he found personally attractive. From my own personal experiences of white guys with my own black female friends – those men have treated their women with more reverence and sacredness. I know some people are saying I am generalizing but I did disclaim that statement by saying MY PERSONAL EXPERIENCE. I have surrounded myself by fabulous black women and for the life of me I can’t figure out why there are not enough decent black men for them to date so if they want to “go there” – I open the door to them.

ON THE OTHER HAND – we can find plethora of white girls who will (and some only) date black guys. I have a problem with any race of people who will only date one particular race of people that is not their own. Do you have some issues with own race or some self hatred that needs to be addressed? I digress….

My experience with this group of girls who do this is that tend to be trying to be something they are not nor will ever understand. It is one thing to date a black man. It is another thing to play a stereotypical role of a black woman when you are white. Also – as Anya mentioned in her previous commentaries – we have come across so many white girls who thought it was cool or rebellious. To them – black men are like leather jackets to be utilized until no longer needed or have gone out of style. I am sorry – in my eyes there are too many eligible black bachelorettes who white guys won’t touch with a 10 foot pole and the black man has turned their back on. The issue of why eligible black men in Ontario are turning their back on these women is a topic to be explored in another type of blog. All I can say that is in Canada that this happens at much higher rate than in the US.

Finally – Moms admit it – right or wrong – you want your son to be with someone who is like you. They should have the same values/morals and even background. You want to make sure that the care you offered your son is going to be continued in trustworthy hands. He needs his curry chicken – he does not like wieners/ mac and cheese (personal jab #2). In my mind there are dozens of worthy black girls out there deserving of my son

All that being said – I will be happy no matter who any of my kids choose to be with as long as they treat them like the kings and queens they are in my eyes. Just along as my son marries black………LOL!

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This Month's White Man Crush


Now don't get me wrong ladies. I love Hunter and wouldn't think of ever trading him in. At first glance Jay is not my type. I like younger man, a full head of hair and quite a bit of muscle. Jay is anything but any of these. So why you ask is he my white man crush this week? I had the pleasure of seeing Jay live in the flesh at a Raptors breakfast this weekend. He was extremely well spoken and articulate. He didn't have much prepared but he spoke as if it came with the same ease and ability of an Obama speech. There was a question period that followed. At first I imagined a bunch of ignorant and stupid questions but everyone with the exception of 1 stupid guy asking about the Raptor defense (but not making much sense). Jay impressed me and everyone in the room. He had a genuine yet authoritative way about him. He spoke to all as if he was speaking to you directly. You felt a connection just based on your love of basketball and your yearning for the Raptors to win. After question period we were treated to viewing a Raptor practice. While I am a basketball fan, this would have made any non-believer a believer and fan of the Raptors. Once in the stadium watching the practice I thought this is much like the interracial life. Me enjoying it with my interracial better half. The Raptors comprising of black, white and many other ethnicities and cultures. I was then however saddened to notice during the warm up the teams lined up. Blacks on one side and whites on the other. Perhaps I was overreacting. After all, the practice then continued and the teams were mixed. Everyone seemed to be working hard but joking around at the same time enjoying each others company. In the end I took it for what it was worth, a nice morning adventure with Hunter we may never experience again. I am happy we went eventhough it was 7:30am! Hunter spoke of it like a kid in a candy store for the rest of the day. By the way, basketball is the only game I can beat Hunter at. Who knew?

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It's not just a black thing


I've read quite a few studies and articles confirming the fact that interracial relationships, marriages and unions are on the rise. I note from an article in the Globe and Mail this year noting that interracial unions had increased by 30% from 2006. This is a phenomenal growth. The top mixes are Asian and Whites, Latin and Whites and then Blacks and Whites. My question to you is why? Is society more accepting? Absolutely. Is it the thing to do these days? Well there are many mixed celebrity couples if the media is plays a part. Reggie Bush and Kim Kardashian, her less famous sister Khloe Kardashian and Lamar Odom, Connie Chung and Maury Povich, Heidi Klum and Seal, Nicholas Cage and Alice Kim and of course who can omit Tiger and Elin. I do see this as a trend which will continue to be on the rise. While I disagree racism is disappearing. I do believe people are more accepting and more importantly willing to stand up for what they believe. And that means less people are worried about the stares or what others will think. Ironically, this brings me back to my favorite Shakespearean play - Othello. Though you may not realize Shakespeare had enough foresight to realize interracial relationships would be a hot issue. The theme and storyline surrounding the relationship of Othello and Desdemona seak to the heart of interracial relationships. In the movies this them has also been done a million times.....Save the Last Dance, Monster's Ball, Guess Who's Coming to Dinner (If you are an oldies buff) and of course Jungle Fever. Therefore as a proud supporter and an active participant of a person in an interracial relationship I say well done. We'll see what the next century brings.

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Search "Why are" in Google

For some reason I started a search today that I thought was pretty shocking to say, but I found myself kinda laughing out of pure shock. I went to the trusty google search box that I have at the top of my web browser of choice Firefox. I started to type in Why Are. I actually forget why I was looking but as most of you know google starts to auto-populate sometimes to help Guide You to find what you are looking for.
The top hit was

Why are black people so loud
Really, is that what most people google for and its that popular? A stereotype is leading the way in google seach? The results below that were Why are yawns contagious, why are Michael Jacksons kids white, why are we in Afganistan followed fifth by why are the Kardashians famous. So looking at these top five results I can atleast feel better that interracial discussions are what some people are thinking, but seriously......try it
UPDATE: Ok I tried to get a screen shot of this. When I tried it from Google.ca I had another laugh, the top one was Why are Canadians Afraid of the Dark.....



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So what are you?

Fielding comments about being mixed-race is something that I've encountered since I was a child. And the issue that I choose to look at isn't the question of "which one of your parents is white" (neither, both are black but like many blacks we have 'white' somewhere in our family history), but instead "why does it matter?".

I question why some people feel the need to categorize or compartmentalize people or things (e.g. cultures), so that they feel more comfortable. And I can understand that doing this puts things in the realm of the familiar, but I also feel that it's important to look beyond these habits and look to the person as just that. A person that has individual and different experiences from yours and from what you know. So just because you may look at me and not readily be able to label me in a certain way, realize that it really doesn't matter. Whether black, white (or black and white), you don't need to know where I come from or what my background is. Instead, just accept it (or don't), get to know me (or don't), and go on living your life as best you can. We all have differences and it's these that can bring us closer if we choose to go this route.

On my end, I choose not to deal with your curiosity if I don't want to. So people can ask and depending on the day, my answers will vary. But when it comes down to it, who I am is much bigger than what you see at first glance. And that's what I hope others will see as the real issue.

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Would America have accepted Barack Obama if Michelle Obama were white?


One year ago this week, Barack Obama the 44th President of the United States of America, first black man elected to lead the free world took the oath of office with his wife Michelle by his side. I can still picture that beautiful scene, ahhhhh….but wait! What if Michelle was not a dark-skinned black woman but rather a blonde hair, blue eyed white woman? Would President Obama be president today? My answer would be…ummmm, likely not! I’ll tell you why I think so. Let me preface this by saying that I’m obsessed with American politics but that’s really neither here nor there. And I’ll also say that I’m going to be generalizing. I am in no way saying that these blocks would have voted monolithically or that there wouldn’t be exceptions. In any case…I think Obama wouldn’t have been elected because he would have lost some of the support of two populations that he needed to win.

Black Females and White Males.


As you will probably see discussed on this blog numerous times, many black women have some “issues” with black men dating and/or marrying white women. The notion that black men tend to choose white women because they are more agreeable, more generous and overall are less stressful then black women to deal with rub black women the wrong way! We can get into other reasons and the merit of them on another post. This is especially rampant in celebrity circles when black men become successful and wealthy. If Michelle were white, fairly or unfairly, I think the average black woman would have been offended, okay maybe not offended, let’s say disappointed. The most powerful man in the world, first black president and his wife is white! *Sigh* I know some of us like to think that Obama was elected because he was the best candidate and his proposed policies were best for that country and that may be true but I think we know that many other factors came into play when people were making a decision of this importance. I think that some people in part used the “feel good” factors or gut instinct. You know; the fact that he is attractive, educated and articulate with a beautiful black wife and adorable black children that he treasures. Those factors were/are a huge advantage for him. With his campaign, election and governing over the past year, President Obama has yet to and may never bring America together but I believe he has already done a lot for the perception of black families and black love. And that is a “feel good” factor, especially for black women. That being said, if Michelle were white, all that may have changed.

There has been some history in American politics about insinuations of interracial relationships derailing black male candidates’ campaigns. Who was driving that message? White men (because they own all the major mainstream media outlets and decide what is communicated and majority of the politicians in the U.S. are white males). If Michelle were white, I believe some white men would have been quite uncomfortable with that. I think it was a plus for Obama that his mother and grandparents were white but if it were his wife?? That might have been a little bit too much for some to swallow…just sayin! Remember a lot of people vote with their gut or vote for the guy they’d “like to have a beer with”. Would a majority of white men have been comfortable with the interracial Obama’s sitting at their kitchen table? I think…not so much! Now as a black woman I can only speculate on why I think this might be so for white men and I could be wrong. Maybe they wouldn’t have wanted the first family to serve as a symbol, maybe encouraging more interracial relationships? Maybe it would have been the fear of the melting pot and the “interracial children” continuing the slow disappearance of the white race? Maybe it would have had to do with jealously over the black man’s “sexual prowess”? Whatever the reason would have been, I can almost assure you there would have been some apprehension felt, especially for white men in the Southern states and in the “blue collar” population.

America took a huge step in electing their first black president and first family…now would that have happened if his wife were white?? In my opinion, likely not!

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Common Misconceptions

Black woman who date white men have written of black men because they have been scorned. This can have a bit of truth to it at times. How many of you stopped dating a blond, a lawyer, a sports fanatic because of a bad experience. This happens in several different manners and colour of skin is no exception. Don’t get me wrong, I love Reggie Bush, Denzel Washington and Barry White so I am not writing off my fellow black man. Have I had a bad experience with a black man? Absolutely and more than 1 but I have also had bad experiences with white men and bi-racial men. There are definitely people who have a preference. Some men only date Asian women, some women only date black men. This is common in everyday society and does not end at race, religion or culture. Therefore the question becomes nature vs. nurture.

Having a successful interracial relationship begins with responsible adults who have mutual respect, common interests and admiration for one another. Ironically, an important factor in any relationship.

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Evolution of Interracial Relationships


A common theme I heard in my teenage years and throughout my twenties was “Black Men don’t like to deal with Black Women because of their attitude”. It was noted you could see a black man roll into the club in his white girl’s (or I should say her Daddy’s new SUV), she would pay for all the drinks and food and pay his rent and utility bills while she enjoyed the luxury of living at home and collecting her fat allowance. Black women were definitely irate but unwilling to change. They would not put up with being someone’s sugar mama. And they were not afraid to voice their disgust. Then the attitude seemingly got worse, increasing the disconnect. Black women would pass up brothers who now wanted to be with a black woman. Is punishing the black men necessary? Perhaps the Black Men wanted to sew their wild oats (as many men do) and then settle down with a nice black woman they could take home to mom. Perhaps the white girlfriend wanted to rebel against her controlling father by bringing home the dark skinned man from next door. This then opened the door for the White male market to tap into the Black Woman market. Feeling unappreciated the Black woman went out and sought out other options. It was all too easy as White men had much of the same situation giving rise to an increase of interracial relationships and marriages.

What is your take on the evolution of interracial relationships?

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More About Anya

Let me introduce myself. My name is Anya and I write www.interraciallifestyle.com. I am a black woman in a relationship with a white man for the last 6 years. We are actually engaged and from time to time you’ll hear his input as well. I decided to take my interest in interracial matters to the internet. Over my lifetime I have been in several interracial and same race relationships as well as had many friends and family from multi and bi-racial relationships. I was born and raised in Canada but to my surprise when I moved to the Barbados (a predominantly black country) I met the man of my dreams who was anything but black. Many people have questions, concerns and just plain curiosity surrounding interracial relationships and just how they differ or seem the same as others. I can definitely help as I discuss themes from common misconceptions to resolving conflicts to how to deal with crazy curly hair. I am a chartered accountant by profession therefore you may see my calculated logic flow to my advice and discussions. You can contact me via email at anya@interraciallifestyle.com.

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Hi I'm Anya as in "Good-on-ya"?

Was the first sentence I heard from the woman that I would later ask to marry me. Not really the story I would be expect to be telling my future kids like an episode of "How I Met You Mother", but none the less, it is the real story. Fast forward to the "I think we should move in together" talk...started by me, fast forward to the "Will you marry me?" again my words, we have come a long way in our relationship. For the most part I'd say its pretty easy, since we like a lot of the same things, hold most of the same values and have a passion for life and experiences. As many relationships, there are issues and ups and downs but everyone has these. I'm sure you will hear about them from time to time, but I think our biggest fight is who is the hotter one in the relationship! Marsha is the driving force on this blog, but I will put my 2 cents in now and then.

Please comment and voice your opinions on this blog. It is meant to serve as a spot for people to gain information, share views, have a laugh, and discuss issues around interracial issues.

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