Stereotypes - Part 2

Once I began thinking on the topic of stereotypes I started to wonder what stereotypes other people might develop about me - what does my Black, vegetarian, natural-haired appearance convey to those who don't know me?

My Black-of-the-lighter-persuasion complexion: (1) that I have a white parent; (2) that I'm ill-informed about my white or Black family history; (3) that I'm regularly approached to dance in hip hop videos.

Reality: (1)...is false- two Black parents, one being light-skinned. The light complexion goes beyond my maternal great-grandparents, back to I don't know where (a plantation I expect, but which one. WHICH ONE?!!!); (2)...is true in that I don't know exactly where the mixing started (again, which plantation?); and (3)...is false - and luckily too because I'm somewhat rhythmically challenged and lack a booty to clap.

On being a vegetarian: (1) that I'm a enviro-loving tree hugger, (2 ) that I spend time trying to convince my friends to see the light and give up eating meat.

Reality: (1)...is true (LOVE the trees), and I'm working to become a better environmentalist daily. I recently dusted off my bike and started cycling to the gym...weather permitting of course (baby steps people, baby steps); and (2)...is false (I hope). I like to think I'm a live-and-let-live kind of person, and my friends eat enough meat around me to make me feel comfortable in their carnivorous future.

On my natural hair: (1) that being "natural" extends beyond my hair (e.g.natural beauty products); (2) that I'm a conscious Black woman; (3) or that I wear my locs more for fashion.

Reality: (1)...is true, and much like my environmentalist nature, I'm working to get better all the time. Still way too many non-natural products in my life but I'm working on it; (2)...is true-ish. I'm aware and interested in the state of my people, but seem to limit my involvement to discussions only (note to self - need to work on this); and (3)...is false. I stopped 'relaxing' my hair (although there's nothing relaxing about the process), as a conscious choice and naturally progressed from afro to locs.

So overall it looks like I do live out some of the possible stereotypes that I might convey to others. And I feel that's okay as long as I'm cool with it (which I am), and that others who want to get to know me do exactly that, and find out what lies beyond just what they see.

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Stereotypes - Part 2

Stereotypes

What role do stereotypes play in our lives? I've been thinking on this lately, the way we sometimes use our own preconceived notions of people to categorize them into something we understand. I feel that we often fall back on stereotypes as a way of "understanding" what Other people are like (e.g. through the way they look, behave, talk), without taking the time to actually find out if our perceptions are even remotely accurate.

I feel we do this as a way of dealing with someone (or a group), that is on some level new or different to ourselves. For example, these Other people might seem so different from our regular circle that finding out what they're actually about might be something we don't feel we have or even want to do. That Black woman at the office you see daily might seem abrupt and somewhat standoffish. And if getting to actually know her isn't something you're ready to do (for whatever reason), that image can be a big part of how you define her, regardless of whether any of that image is actually true.

So why do we do it? Behind this (or a part of it at least), may be a need to categorize people in ways that make sense to us. Once they've been put into a category that we hold, we may feel more at ease - we've put the person into a role that we can understand because we've heard/read it before (i.e. the stereotype). It's not new, it's been reinforced elsewhere such as through friends or pop culture. Regardless of whether it's true or not, it's familiar and there's some comfort in that.

The alternative to this can be foreign and scary, and understandably something a person would rather avoid (me included). But honestly, I feel that doing the uncomfortable is necessary if we're to make any headway on fighting stereotypes as the default that many of us fall prey to using. The challenge to all of us is to resist seeing Others in blanket terms and educating ourselves on the uniqueness that is human diversity. Try it.

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Stereotypes

This Month's White Man Crush

David Beckham is by far one of soccer’s (or its proper term, football) gorgeous players. He has turned his persona into a multi-billion dollar empire from cologne to underwear to clothing. He actually plays very little on the field anymore but he oozes sexiness and that sells. It also helps he has hot spice girl for a wife no doubt and best friends Katy Holmes and Tom Cruise. I had all but forgotten him (for all of an hour that is) until I saw him on the side lines at the World Cup game. He was looking quite dashing in his 3 piece grey suit. Funny enough the rest of the coaches and non-players wore the same 3 piece suit but it definitely stood out on David. Of course, like many celebrities he is not without fault. There had been talk of an indiscretion with a former nanny in the past and who knows what goes on those road trips. While making money is a necessary evil I think we all want to see him shine as he originally did…..as an athlete. When are you playing again David????

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This Month's White Man Crush

Troop

As I was driving home tonight, Troop came on the radio ("spread my wings, and fly away, to a place that I loooong fooooor"), and I FREAKED OUT! I used to love that song and that group so I was car-dancing the whole way through the song.

And then I had a thought - could I date a guy who doesn't know Troop? Who doesn't remember when that song was hot? As a single Black female who's actively looking for a partner, I'm open to dating men outside of my race (BTW, 37-42 year old guys with a job and can treat a woman with respect, email me at Harperneedslove@gmail.com).

But I digress...

As I was saying, I'm open to the range of guys that I'll date (white, Black, Indian, Cablasian, etc.). But I now think that what I also need is a certain "type" of guy, regardless of the skin he's packaged in. A guy who , on top of being a great communicator, loving, honest and trustworthy, also knows and loves his old school (i.e. 1990s) R&B. I'd like a guy who has some similar memories as my own so that when that song comes on we can both think back to what we were doing when Troop #1. And when I dig out my 12 inch remix of Sheila E's "Glamorous Life", or the pre-crack Bobby Brown "Don't be cruel", I'd like my man to get as excited as I am at hearing them, and we can have a "remember when..." talk as the records play.

I guess Troop helped me see that regardless of his skin colour, the guy I'm looking for has an R&B soul and memories that we can relive together on those long car rides (or is at least open to listening to me relive my memories...and break into song when warranted).

So Black, White, Red, whateva. I'm open (hey, Remy Shand, I hear you're single now - email me).

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Troop

Interracial Movies

Last night I watched the ultimate in interracial movies – The Bodyguard. Aside for the bad Whitney acting and the airy theme and plot, I loved this movie. So I think back now on why do I love it. Could it be when it came out I was gaga over my high school sweetheart. He was bi-racial and my first introduction to anyone from a bi-racial family. His mother was white Canadian and his father a black man from Nigeria. He introduced me to a whole different world where his grandfather had taken more than 1 wife. I had never heard of such things. Of course I had to wonder if his father or even he would be interested in the same tradition? I never got my answer. I went away to college and he dumped me for not staying behind for him. I’m getting off track now. Back to the movie. I admire Whitney Houston’s singing ability and had the entire cd before the movie even came out. Kevin Costner isn’t too hard on the eyes either but I prefer them much younger. Overall, I think they did a great job convincing the audience of their romance. The movie didn’t centre around any awkward glares or what people might think of their relationship. I really liked that. It seemed natural. Maybe this was the cornerstone in the 90’s for encouraging interracial relationships. Who knew it would take a black woman belting out a Dolly Parton song to change the minds of many. Today I fine myself busting out the old Whitney songs from the Bodyguard and reminisce to those days of utter ignorance.

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Interracial Movies

This Month's White Man Crush

Justin Timberlake.....need I say more! I decided to go a little old school. Ok not that old school a few years back. But I must say this man was one of my first true white man crushes who steered me away from the dark side. I love to dance and sing so a man who can do both as Mr. J.T. does rocks my world. I admire how much he loves his mother. I admire his addiction to longer term relationships. If you didn't know he is a monogamous whore when it comes to relationships. Pretty devout about not getting married but very quick to settle down and move in with his beloved. I think this is also why we are kindred spirits. I'm a lot like him in that respect. I believe in true love living together. Marriage is for some but not for others. Why break what isn't broken. Alas, Justin has lost some because of his lack of not commitment to marriage. I thought him and Cameron Diaz were the perfect couple. I am also a fan of older woman younger man. Maybe because I'm secretly a cougar. Hunter is younger than me. I like that. Back on track, why I fantasize about Justin Timberlake. He is cute, can dance better than me (very rare for me to say), he can sing love songs, he dumped Brittany(he is so much better than her) and best of all he has a hot bod! When it comes to the public and his career I feel he has conducted himself with a lot of respect and that includes his girlfriends. I credit that to his close relationship with his mother. Ladies this does not mean every guy close to his mother will treat you like gold. If his mother is crazy belive me he will treat you crazy. So take this piece of advice wisely. Pay attention to how a man treats his mom and how close they are but pay better attention to how the mom is. As for Justin I await the day he decides he wants to procreate. I don't need to sleep with him but would be a happy donor for his children. I think we would have gorgeous kids together :-)

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This Month's White Man Crush

Miss America 2010

The new Miss America is Caressa Cameron, the 7th African American woman to win the title. And unfortunately there are rumblings of criticism floating about, as has happened whenever a Black/African American "anything" takes top honours. In my cursory searches on the new queen-o-beauty south of the border, two issues that have generated discussion are her (1) lighter skin tone and (2) her straightened hair.

Re her skin tone, agreed that she's a lighter shade of Black (and both of her parents are Black as well). But did that influence her winning the crown...? I'd guess 'no'.

Re her hair - I've read the same old arguments that she's trying to be white, that she doesn't like her blackness which is reflected in her nappy roots, that in order to be seen as beautiful (in the contest and in daily life), she conformed to "white" standards and straightened her hair.

As far as I'm concerned both of these issues are mute points. The various shades that we as Black/African American women come in and the way we chose to wear our hair are all a part of the beauty that IS being Black. So instead just celebrate her win, chalk another one up for the team, or whatever you want to do. But don't hate.

Congratulations Caressa!

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Miss America 2010

This Month's White Man Crush

If you don't know this man you need to. George St. Pierre fondly referred to as GSP is from a small town in Quebec. I first had my first crush on him a few years ago after seeing him fight and then his poise and soft spoken manner in interviews. Let me recap in case you don't know him. He is the Welterweight Champion of the UFC and yes I am a huge fan. He started out from a small middle class family and made his mother cry when he told their local bank that they would never pay for anything ever again. He would take care of every expense going forward. He has won countless fights but the thing that is so endearing about him is he is extremely humble. If you watch UFC you know the guys there for the most part are just there to fight. GSP on the other hand realizes it is a business and a career. He shows up at events and pre-events in a custom made suit. He spends hours answering questions. He does little to put down his opponent before the event in a publicity stunt. He simply let's his hands and wrestling do the talking about his talent. He is the reason I became a fan of the UFC. His fights are an orchestrated thing of beauty but I digress. So on this first week of Black history month, I tip my hat off to GSP after all he is into the interracial love if you didn't know. His girlfriends are usually Black and suits me just fine. GSP, let me know when you're single.....just kidding Hunter :-)

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This Month's White Man Crush

There's Something Not Quite White About Her...

As the product of an interracial relationship, I can say that there are a lot fewer raised eyebrows today than there were when I was a kid. Maybe it was the Benetton ads? Maybe racism is on the decline? I'm American, and I'm half Japanese and half white. Maybe for the particular brand of racism I grew up with is just dying because all the people that were around when they were herding Japanese Americans off to the internment camps are all sitting in old folks homes and I just don't see it anymore. It could be that people just think I look French. Either way, being bi-racial is just not as exotic as it once was, and that suits me just fine. My seven year old niece is half white, one quarter Japanese and one quarter Mexican. She's got long, curly hair and almond shaped green eyes. Seriously, who can be mad at that? So here's my question, why is it that multiracial kids are generally more accepted now than they were, say twenty years ago, but interracial relationships still get a double take? I mean, people do realize there's a connection there, right?

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There's Something Not Quite White About Her...

Tiger and his Self-Hatred

It’s been awhile since another Tiger Woods mistress has come out of the woodwork so maybe the list of the ones that want to capitalize on this has finally come to an end. I’m sure that many people are psychoanalyzing Tiger as I write and will be for years to come, my hope is that in addition to whatever help he’s getting, he also addresses a very troubling issue.

Does Tiger have a self-hatred problem? I’m not a psychologist but he has displayed some disturbing signs that make me think he may.

First, why does he refuse to say that he is black? He even went so far as to make up a race…what does he call it? Cabalasian. A made up term using Caucasian, Black, Indian and Asian. I understand, he is one-quarter Chinese, one-quarter Thai, one-quarter Black, one-eighth Native American, and one-eighth Dutch. But, hate to inform you Tiger but if you have a drop of black blood, you’re black. I didn’t hear anyone cheering the first Chinese American to win the Masters Tournament?!? He actually told Oprah a few years ago that it bothered him to be called African-American. You’re kidding me right? I know some people are going to say that I and others are just being race-obsessed and Tiger just doesn’t want to be pigeon-holed into a category. I understand giving full deference to your ancestors and where you came from but you’re not black Tiger? On what planet? You’re darker then “bi-racial” President Obama for goodness sake.

Second, Tiger won his first Masters Tournament at age 21 which coincided with the 50th anniversary of Jackie Robinson hurdling baseball's color barrier. Former President Clinton invited Tiger to Shea Stadium for a ceremony commemorating this great achievement (seeing that without those who came before him he may not have had the opportunity to showcase his talent today) and Tiger declined stating that he was going to be on vacation and the President should have asked before he made his plans. Really Tiger? Does this have anything to do with not wanting to be categorized in the same way that the first black baseball player was? People were so outraged by his snub forcing him to eventually apologize to Jackie Robinson’s widow for not attending and saying he recognized how important it would have been for him to be there. Did you really Tiger?

Finally, is it a coincidence that Tiger’s wife Elin is white and every single one of his mistresses was white also? All 14 plus of them? Really? I understand people have a type but this is bizarre. As Mandy alluded to in an earlier post, there is something wrong when someone exclusively dates within one race for whatever reason. Is there something wrong with black women Tiger? Asian Women? Thai Women? Now. Don’t get me wrong. I am VERY pleased that he couldn’t find any black women to join the mistress bandwagon or maybe there were black women but they are staying quite? Hmmmmm…..

In any case, there are too many signs that Tiger Woods has some serious self-image issues. So in my opinion, while he is allegedly attending "sex rehab" and trying to work on his marriage, this would be a great time to tackle this issue as well, get it all out on the table Tiger. Just sayin!

What do you think?

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Tiger and his Self-Hatred